Million Problems

Well, tbh, I'm on underpressure. I'm on the top of sadness now. I feel I'm useless as trash. Yes, I'm a chicken. Fear, tears, pain, sadness, and those bad things are my friends now. I'm desperate. Seriously.

How can i survive in this cruel world with tons of pain?

Why is life too unfair, Dad?

Why people always make my tears are going down?
Why people always press me and make me tired?
Why I want to cut myself?

Why, Dad? Why?

Honestly, I have no friend in class. My classmates are so freaking suck. They can't appreciate me. They can't hear my opions. Are they deaf, Dad? If they aren't, why they always tossed my opinion in the trash?

Is it hard to share my opinions, Dad?
If there's limit in it, why does Pancasila exist?

Those aren't the worst part, yes, there are the worse part than the worst. How can? Haha. Think it.

I think.... the worst thing in life is...
1. Being alone
2. Being left
3. Being replaced
And the last is...
4. Being forgotten.

First, being alone. Yes. I'm alone, Dad. I have no friend. Some peolple who was always there for me had had a new friend.... and i'm alone. How stupid i am. I just can't get in to my new. They are too heterogeneous. I miss my old friend, Dad. Can i get them back? Though there are you, mom, and my sisters, why am i still alone, Dad?

Second, being left. Yessss. The sad part of it is... i' ve been left by Kevin. You know, he's my-best-friend ever. Although he's so freaking annoying, he understood me. He was always there for me. He is the one who i shared my problems with. He's the best after Ica. But he has gone. He should've go to Bekasi, because of his parents. Sad, to lose something that you love the most. I don't wanna lose the one that i love the most, but the fact; I get that pain. It hurts. Can you bring him back to me?

One question :
When you lose something you can't replace, what would you do?

Third, being replaced.
Yes, I've been replaced. See? My besties have had a new friend. How can they replaced me too easily when I trapped in the past?
I know, I'm just a little piece of their life, but... it hurts when you know you've been replaced by someone who means the most for you. Someone who's the best for you.

Let me wipe my tears.

Well, this is the worst part.

Being forgotten.

We always together.
We always did the stupid thing together.
We loved each other.
We shared our story.
We shared our happines together.
We always there if one of us really need each other.

Then... we lost it all.
Those memories always run in my mind. How can i forget the sweetest moments with you? How can I erase you from my mind?

Do you still remember our memories, Dear?

You are the one who punched me with your white phone on my head.
You are the one who I taught how to make a origami bird.
You are the one who called me in the middle night just to shared our story.
You are the one who I spent my day with.
You are the one who made me laugh.
You are the one who made a song for me.

Then.. where are you now, Vin?
I miss you. Too much miss. It's too much.

I bet, you forgot our memories. Yes, I've been forgotten.

It's so hard for me to forget you, Dear.

You never cross my mind, you stay on it.

Is there a chance for me to see you again?
Just one more chance, please.

At the end, i hate being like this. I feel like i'm on the top of the pain. Is it hard to do to accept every opinions? Why they treat me so bad when i try to be a nice person in front of them? I didn't do something wrong, right? I'm on underpressure for sure. It's like i wanna cut myself. I have no friend to share my fuckin problem.  To help me to solve it. I feel i'm the lonelinest gurl in this fucking world. They have new friends. Fyi, being left, being replaced is better than being forgotten. Being forgotten causes being alone and i hate being like this.

I'm enough. It's too much. If i could go away from this cruel world, i would.